


Clear The Air

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Episode: s02e11 Adrift, Flat Holm, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e11 Adrift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: After the revelation of Flat Holm, Jack and Ianto struggle to reconcile their actions and reactions. A frank discussion with Gwen helps Jack begin to clear the air between them. Set post-Adrift.





	1. Part One

Part One

Jack leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head, and glanced through his office window, watching his team work. Well, work was a subjective term: Tosh was typing at her keyboard, constantly checking her monitors; Gwen was half-heartedly flipping through some files; and Owen was leaning back in his chair, chewing a pen and mostly likely trying to think of ways to bother the two women. At least until he appeared to have a sudden idea, leapt up, and disappeared downstairs into the medical bay.

Only Ianto was missing from the familiar scene. It wasn't unusual for Ianto to be working in the archives while the others were upstairs, or to be tending the tourist office (though he did that less and less these days.) Ianto, however, was not at the Hub. Though he'd asked for the day off to attend to family matters, Jack couldn't help but wonder if Ianto simply wanted a day off from seeing him. If they'd been talking to one another, maybe he would know.

The last three days had been distant between them, even awkward at times. Jack couldn't help but blame Gwen and her stubborn snooping for the fall out between him and Ianto, however unfair it might be. It was, in part, her unrelenting need to know things, to fix things, that had created the tension between the three of them, and between Jack and Ianto in particular. She couldn't follow orders and leave well enough alone, and had found out about Flat Holm.

Jack hated the island. He had purchased it, built it, staffed it, and ran it, but it broke his heart every time he thought about it, let alone went out there. He tried to be pragmatic about it, but it still felt more like a reminder of failure than any small measure of success. Seeing the patients there, listening to their mumbled insanity and agonizing screams, did little to convince him he was doing anything to help them; they suffered no matter what he tried.

Logically, he knew he was doing everything he could to make them comfortable, while also keeping the rest of the world from being exposed to and learning of the things the shattered men and women had seen. Yet he wanted to do more. He  _needed_  to do more, only he did not know what to do anymore. Jack couldn't stop the Rift from taking them, and he couldn't fix them when it returned them broken. He was bone weary and completely disillusioned, compounded by the fact that now his team knew of his pathetic attempts to do something.

Ianto had helped, when Jack first brought him in on the secret. Why he'd told Ianto, he wasn't exactly sure. It had been about a month after they'd started sleeping together. Ianto was still struggling with just about everything in his life, and for some reason Jack had felt like working with Flat Holm might be what the other man needed. That being able to help the people there when he'd been unable to help his girlfriend might give him a reason to keep going.

Of course, it had been after a particularly difficult retrieval, in which Jack had tried desperately to save a woman brought back by the Rift, only to lose her the next day. Ianto had noticed his bleak mood almost immediately, and while tempted to take up Ianto's offer of physical comfort, instead Jack had taken the other man to Flat Holm and practically begged for his help. He'd kept the secret long enough. Ianto had been stunned at first, then angry, then determined to do whatever needed to be done. The sex after had been spectacular.

Though his conscience told him he'd been trying to help Ianto, to give him a purpose, deep down Jack knew he'd told Ianto instead of the rest of the team because Ianto was as broken as he was. And Ianto could handle it. Which was why Jack hadn't told Gwen, or any of the others. Owen would probably be disgusted by the facility, and Tosh never stop trying to find a way to keep the Rift from taking anyone. Even now Jack was fairly sure she was working on some sort of program to predict the negative Rift spikes that stole people away; he wondered if Owen was considering how to better help those that were returned.

And Gwen…Gwen was still such an innocent. Yes, she'd seen aliens and monsters and cannibals, death and destruction and the end of the world. She'd still had hope, though, and now Flat Holm had taken some of that hope away. Was she strong enough to handle it? To process it, accept it, and move on? Of course she was, but Jack had wanted so badly to protect her from it that he'd ignored the strength he'd seen in her from the beginning. Because it wasn't the only reason he hadn't told her.

Not only had Gwen's faith in a benevolent universe been shaken, but so had her faith in Jack. He liked being her hero. She was the only one who still put him on that pedestal, who trusted and believed in him like he was someone special. The others trusted him, and maybe they believed in him, but they didn't look at him like Gwen, like he was the only person who could save the world. He liked being that hero, because deep down he knew he wasn't.

Which was one reason he should have listened to Ianto. The Welshman saw him as a man, as another flawed human being trying to muddle through, and accepted him completely and without question. Ianto  _knew_ him. With Ianto, Jack almost felt normal at times, like a regular guy trying to make a living in Cardiff, albeit one who was from thousands of years in the future and would live forever. And he liked feeling normal, too, as much as he liked being a hero.

Ianto had told him Gwen could handle it, that she should know about Flat Holm so that she could develop the resilience for handling worse. And yet Jack had refused, and Ianto had gone behind his back, and now Gwen knew everything and he and Ianto hadn't talked about it at all. It occurred to Jack that the current situation between him and Ianto was as much due to his own bullheadedness as it was Gwen's prying.

After returning from the island following the close of Jonah Bevan's case, Jack had sought comfort in Ianto's arms. And Ianto had willingly provided it, without word, without judgement; perhaps he had needed it as well. Yet the next morning, reality had set in. Ianto had gone behind Jack's back, disobeyed an order, lied to him. He seemed anxious about his actions and Jack's reaction, and Jack had found himself tongue-tied, unsure whether to be angry, understanding, or to simply move on.

Ianto had quickly taken to hiding in the archives, and Jack had avoided him in turn. Their interactions became stilted and awkward, neither wanting or able to bring it up. Ianto had eventually left a discipline form on Jack's desk and stuttered an apology, but Jack had ripped it up before dismissing him, still unsure of what to say, what to do. How to fix the widening rift between them.

He missed their day-to-day interactions, and their nights together in particular, when they could be friends and lovers rather than employee and boss—eating dinner and watching television, waking up together and staying in bed for an extra hour on the weekends. He worried about Ianto, about whether he was actually with his family or if he'd used it as an excuse to get away for a day and clear his head. A very small but frightened voice in Jack's head wondered if Ianto would come back.

Gwen glanced up at him, had done so several times; Jack looked away and pretended to go back to whatever was on his desk, which was nothing. Everything was in order, there was no paperwork to catch up on, no calls to be made. Jack wondered if Ianto had planned ahead of time to be out, or if their lack of interaction simply meant they'd both got that much more done.

He was so busy looking for something to do that he didn't notice Gwen stand up and leave her files until she was knocking at the door. Looking frantically for something that made him appear busy, Jack contemplated picking up the phone and waving her away. Instead, he motioned her in and sat up straighter, hoping it would be quick.

"What can I do for you, Gwen?" he asked, going on the offensive. He could tell by the look on her face that whatever she had to say wasn't going to make for an enjoyable conversation. Then again, most of their recent conversations had been anything but fun.

"Not sure," she said, sitting down and picking up a nearby pen to turn over in her hands. Clearly, she was nervous about something, and for Gwen, that was unusual; she usually cut straight to the point.

"What are you working on?" Jack asked conversationally. "I saw you reading through some files."

"I was looking at the reports for the other patients at Flat Holm," she said. "I wanted to know more, try to understand…" She trailed off with a distant look on her face, and Jack held in a frustrated sigh. He'd already had to talk her through this three times. While he knew she was still trying to process what she'd seen and learned, he did not feel like playing therapist every day while she worked through it.

"Understanding doesn't change anything," Jack told her. "It still doesn't make sense, it's still not fair, and there's still nothing we can do."

"Nothing we can do to stop it, you mean," she pointed out. This time Jack did sigh, because he'd told her this many times already.

"We can't stop the Rift, no," he told her. He'd been gentle until now, but heard the impatient edge to his voice this time. "We can only help them when it's all over."

She tapped the pen on the desk a few times. "I don't think Tosh believes that. She's working on a program to try and predict the abductions."

Jack leaned back and smiled to himself. Of course she was, because that was Toshiko, always ready to take on a challenge. "Then I hope she succeeds. Anything to spare these people the pain and suffering of being thrown halfway across the galaxy."

"Is there anything else we can do at Flat Holm?" Gwen asked. "They're all alone out there, in that dark place…"

"I'm doing all I can, Gwen," Jack said, leaning forward and not bothering to hide his irritation. "We've been over this, and I'm sorry if it's not good enough for you, but I'm doing as much as I possibly can to make those people comfortable. We can't cure them," he told her, holding up a hand before she could interrupt. "We can only make them comfortable, with the means we have available."

"I know," she said, nodding sadly. "I do. Ianto said the same thing."

"You talked to him about it?" Jack asked in surprise. He wondered how that conversation had gone, and if Ianto had shown more understanding than Jack.

"I talked to him yesterday," she said. "He explained a lot of things, some of which was completely over my head," she added with a smile. "But most of all, he told me to have faith." She paused and met Jack's eyes. "In you."

Jack didn't know what to say and looked away. He was slightly surprised to learn that Ianto was still supporting him after barely speaking to him for several days. He felt bad that they had fallen out, when all Ianto had wanted to do was help—help the patients at Flat Holm, help Gwen.

"Jack, where's Ianto today?" Gwen asked. She set the pen down and pierced him with a look. "He's never in late."

"He took a day off," Jack told her. "Something came up."

Gwen studied him before sitting back. "Did you suspend him?"

"What?" Jack exclaimed. "Why would I suspend him?"

"For giving me the GPS," Gwen said. "He told me you were unhappy with his actions."

"There's a difference between unhappy and suspension," Jack pointed out. "Otherwise Owen would have been suspended a dozen times in the last year alone."

They shared a small smile. Jack was exaggerating, of course, but had made his point. She nodded. "Then why isn't he here today?"

"He said it was a family matter. I didn't want to pry."

Gwen gave him a skeptical look; if Ianto had been sitting there, he probably would have added an eye roll at the lack of conviction in Jack's voice. "I know you've hardly talked for days, but did you even ask him if everything was all right?"

"I did ask," Jack said, and he had. "Ianto said he was fine, and that he would be back tomorrow."

Gwen seemed to be thinking about her next words. "Do you think he needed to get away, after everything that's happened?"

Jack shrugged. "You did," he pointed out.

"For different reasons," she replied. "Ianto already knew about the island." She paused, and Jack waited for what he knew would be the inevitable next question. "How did he know about it?"

"I told him," Jack replied, but did not offer more.

"Obviously," Gwen said. "But why—"

"Why did I tell him and not tell you?" Jack asked, his voice growing hard. "I don't think that's any of your business."

"Why didn't you tell the whole team, Jack?" Gwen asked. "We all could have helped!"

"There's nothing you can do, except get upset about it," Jack snapped. "I was protecting you, all of you. Do you think I enjoy going out there, listening to a man scream for twenty hours a day because he looked into the heart of a dark star? I don't—and I don't want anyone else having to do that either."

"Except Ianto!" Gwen exclaimed, moving closer. "Jack, how could you put him through that? After all he's seen, all he's been through…with Torchwood, with Lisa…" She trailed off, genuinely upset for her coworker, and Jack realized he had misjudged her. She was concerned about Ianto, something he could appreciate.

"That's exactly why I told him," he said softly, earning a genuine look of surprise. "So that he could see there were others out there who had suffered, like him, but who needed help—his help. I wanted to help  _him."_

"By making him help others?" Gwen asked, once again sounding skeptical.

"By giving him meaning, a purpose. A chance to redeem himself." Jack watched Gwen's face as she began to understand.

"And did he?" she asked after a long silence.

"More than you can imagine," Jack replied.

She nodded slowly. "It was a lot to put on him, Jack. You should have told all of us."

"He's stronger than any one of us knows," Jack told her, trying not to snap again. "And I'm tired of rehashing old arguments, Gwen. Did you have anything else to nag me about this morning?"

She bristled at that, but his patience was shot. He knew he'd put a lot on Ianto, bringing him in on Flat Holm, asking for his help, relying on the other man's support for the past year. He'd had more than his share of doubts, and the fight they'd had about Jack abandoning Flat Holm after he'd returned from traveling with the Doctor had Jack seriously contemplating the idea of Retconning the whole damn place from Ianto's memory. Only Ianto had apparently read the thought in Jack's face and told him in no uncertain terms that he'd leave Torchwood without a look back if Jack tried it.

His thoughts were brought back to Gwen, standing now and looming over the desk, arms crossed over her chest. "Yes, where is Ianto?"

"Gwen—"

"You haven't talked for days, not properly," she said. "It's obvious to everyone you're fighting. And now he's gone—what are we supposed to think?"

"That he needed a day off for family matters?" Jack snapped, standing with her. "Do you really think I'd suspend him for something like this? Or maybe I fired him. Maybe I Retconned him and set him up in a nice little flat in Swansea, with a new job and a dog!"

She recoiled. "You wouldn't," she breathed.

"Of course I wouldn't!" Jack exclaimed. "What do you think I am, some sort of monster?" He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to answer. "Never mind, I know that answer. And you know what? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you questioning everything, of nothing ever being good enough for you. You're the least experienced one here, Gwen, and you're not always right. You still have a lot to learn—"

"I know that!" she shouted at him, her hands flailing angrily in the air. "I know I'm not always right, that I still have a lot to learn. Otherwise none of this would have happened. Rhys is tired of Torchwood getting in the way of our relationship, Andy is mad at me for keeping secrets, Nikki hates me for telling her what happened to Jonah, and you and Ianto aren't talking because I wouldn't let it go! I know I screwed up, Jack, so you don't have to keep rubbing my nose in it!"

Jack glanced out the window to find Tosh and Owen watching; they quickly looked away when they realized they'd been seen. He turned back to Gwen, feeling oddly sheepish at being caught, even though the team had watched them butt heads plenty of times before. "Fine," he said with a curt nod. "I'll stop rubbing your nose in it. Just make sure you learn from it."

"I will if you will," Gwen said.

"Gwen—"

"You should have told us," she said, then steamrolled through Jack's protest. "But more importantly, you should have listened to Ianto. He knew what he was doing when he gave me the location of Flat Holm. And you should talk to him about it, instead of trying to ignore it."

"Moving on from professional advice to personal?" Jack asked, then almost bit his tongue when he realized his mistake.

"That depends—is it personal? Is that why you're not talking to each other?"

Jack pursed his lips as he stared at her. "It's complicated," he answered.

"Jack, he gave me that GPS for a reason—because he felt that I should know! That we should all know!"

"He gave you the GPS because he knew you were too damn stubborn to drop it for your own good," Jack snapped. She recoiled slightly, then stepped forward again.

"Then he was right," she said. "I know you didn't want us to get hurt, but Ianto knew we could handle it. He made the hard call when you couldn't."

"That's the problem," Jack said, sitting down with a sigh. "It wasn't his call to make."

"Oh." Gwen toed the ground before glancing up. "So you're upset that he went behind your back?"

"I'm upset because he—well, yes," Jack agreed. "Because he went behind my back. Again."

"Again." Gwen glanced out the window, then circled around Jack's desk and leaned against it, facing him, much like Ianto often did. It made Jack miss the other man even more, and he looked away. "Jack, Ianto didn't do it to hurt you. He didn't betray you."

"I know that," Jack said.

"But you don't believe it," she replied.

Jack didn't want to talk to Gwen about it, so he simply shrugged in reply, his lips closed tight. Gwen leaned closer.

"Do you trust him?" she asked. Jack glanced up at her, then across the room, trying to answer the question for himself.

"Yes," he replied. "And no."

Gwen was silent for a long moment, long enough for Jack to wish she'd leave. He enjoyed his quiet moments with Ianto, but with Gwen they often felt charged and oppressive.

"It's been well over a year since the Cyberwoman, Jack," she said softly. "He's done nothing wrong, and given everything to Torchwood that he possibly can. We all trust him with our lives—you should too."

"I trust him," Jack told her, but he heard the inflection of doubt.

"You want to trust him, but it doesn't sound like you do," she said.

"I did," Jack replied bitterly. "Until three days ago."

"He didn't betray you, Jack," she insisted. "He was trying to help. He was trying to do the right thing for the team, and for the people on that island. He didn't betray you, he disagreed with you."

"He knew I didn't want you to know," Jack said quietly. "He told you anyway."

"And I'm still here," Gwen said. "I'm not running away, screaming in hysterics. And I'm starting to understand more—about the Rift and what you've been dealing with all these years, about those people and what they've endured. Even about you and Ianto."

Jack snorted.

"He was trying to help you too, Jack, to protect you. He's always looking out for you, and I can't think of a moment when he isn't—even while you were gone. He would never hurt you."

Jack nodded, starting to understand, but there was a lump in his throat and he couldn't reply.

"I think Ianto gets it more than anyone," she mused. "What this job does to a person. What's out there, and how it affects us. But he also knows what we can handle. Let him do his job, Jack, because he's pretty damn good at it. There's no doubt in my mind he will always do what he thinks is right." She paused. "Like you do—only he's usually more right."

She smiled to soften the blow, but Jack couldn't agree more. And just like that, he realized how selfishly he'd been viewing the entire fiasco with the island. It wasn't about him, it was about everything but him. Gwen was absolutely right about Ianto—and that surprised him more than anything, that she had managed to see something he should have seen immediately. Ianto did not betray him, Ianto believed in him, believed in the island. He had done what he thought was right for Jack, for Gwen, for everyone involved.

Knowing Ianto, he'd probably done it knowing exactly what it might mean for his relationship with Jack, and yet he had sacrificed his own happiness to make sure the situation didn't end even worse than it had. Yes, Gwen had been upset and Nikki had been even angrier, but they would both recover and move on. They were strong.

Jack had been too wrapped up in his own hurt and anger to even try to understand Ianto's point of view. And given his penchant for doubt and self-blame, Ianto probably felt guilty and ashamed, that he'd done something he'd felt was right, only to receive the cold shoulder for it.

Jack swallowed thickly. "I should talk to him."

"Yes, you should," Gwen agreed. "Maybe give him a call?"

"I don't want to interrupt—"

"Call him," she ordered. "Right now, or as soon as I leave. Even if he is busy with his family, maybe you can see him later. Take him to dinner. Or make him dinner. Do something, Jack. He needs to know you're not angry with him."

Jack glanced up in surprise. "Did he say I was angry with him?"

"No," she said. "But I could tell he was thinking it yesterday. And you haven't talked for several days, remember? Couples only do that when they're upset about something."

"We're not a—" Jack started, and Gwen laughed.

"Right, not a couple. Categories and labels." She rolled her eyes. "Whatever you are, I don't need to know. I saw enough the other day!" They shared a quiet laugh together. "But you're something to each other, Jack, something that matters. A lot, it seems. Why lose something that really matters so much over something like this?"

Once again, Gwen Cooper was right. Jack stood up and hurried around his desk to grab his coat, backtracking to peck her on the cheek.

"I'm not sure if I've ever heard you say something so wise," he said with a grin. "Wish I had it on tape."

"Maybe married life has changed me," she laughed. "Being part of a couple isn't such a bad thing, you know."

"I never said it was," Jack replied. Being part of a couple was a wondrous, amazing thing…unless you were immortal, and your partner wasn't. "I'm going to take your advice and call Ianto, and hopefully get things back to normal around here."

She followed him to the door. "You mean, with some more naked hide and seek?"

"You really want to know?" Jack asked.

She shook her head. "No way. Ianto would be mortified if you said anything!"

Jack paused at the door and turned toward her. "Still looking out for him?" he asked.

"He did for me," she replied. "He looks out for all of us, Jack, especially you. We don't always see it, but he's always there, taking care of us."

Jack nodded and opened the door. "I'm going to take care of him this time. Maybe some flowers? Or chocolate?"

"I think he likes scotch better," she suggested, and they laughed as they walked through the Hub. Tosh was working on her program and only looked up to nod in distracted acknowledgement; Owen was back downstairs. Jack bounded toward the cog door, but stopped and turned before he left.

"Thanks, Gwen," he said. "For pointing out some things I should have seen myself."

"You're welcome," she said. "It's my fault that any of this happened, and I'm sorry. Now go talk to him."

He gave her a small salute and left the Hub, determined to find Ianto and clear the air between them. There was no reason to be angry anymore—there never had been. Ianto had not betrayed Jack, he had disagreed with a command decision. Deep down Jack knew that Ianto had done the right thing, that Gwen would have never let it go, and that the conflict could have destroyed their small team. In some way, Ianto had saved them all.

Jack missed Ianto. More than anything, he needed to reassure the other man that he understood, that he wasn't angry and wanted to move on. He only hoped Ianto was ready to move on as well, and that he would stay by Jack's side, looking after him, while Jack took care of him.

* * *

 


	2. Part Two

Part Two

Jack stepped out of the tourist office and paused, pulling out his phone to contact Ianto. He hated disturbing the other man, knowing Ianto would feel like Jack was checking up on him—which he was. He wanted to make sure Ianto was all right and that he was coming back. Because for some reason, Jack couldn't let go of the idea that Ianto might leave Torchwood—or him—because of their fallout over Flat Holm.

They'd been through worse, of course, but not since Jack had come back and things had grown more serious between them. Neither one of them acknowledged that growing closeness, but Gwen was right: Ianto mattered to him, a lot. More than the others, more than anyone had for a long time. He didn't want to lose Ianto as a team member, a friend, a lover, or that something more neither one of them dared to label.

The phone rang several times before it went to voicemail. Jack redialed, waited, then tried again. Ianto finally picked up, sounding frustrated.

"Jack, what's wrong? I took the day off to have an actual  _day off_ , you know, so unless it's an emergency—"

"There's no emergency," Jack assured him. "Everything's fine—no Weevils, no Rift alerts, nothing. A bit boring, actually."

"So, you're calling because you're bored?" Ianto asked. In the background, Jack could hear people talking, or what sounded like a television. "Jack, I am not round-the-clock entertainment. I have things to do."

"I know," Jack said, suddenly feeling unsure and hoping he hadn't made things worse by disturbing Ianto. "I was calling to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." There was a pause, and the sound of a door closing. "Why are you really calling?"

"That is why I'm calling!" Jack exclaimed. "To check in."

There was a prolonged silence, followed by a sigh. "Jack, we haven't talked for three days and now you're checking in?"

"And apologizing," Jack replied. "Look, are you busy tonight? Can we have dinner? Talk?"

There was a pounding noise in the background, like someone banging on a door; Jack imagined Ianto looking for privacy only to have it invaded by his family. "I can't," Ianto replied. Jack heard him mumbling, as if talking to someone else, followed by a vague curse. "And I have to go, something's come up."

Jack heard shouting in the background; it did not sound like family bickering. "Ianto, what's wrong?" he demanded. "Where are you?"

"I'm fine," Ianto repeated. "I'll call you later." And he hung up.

Jack debated calling him right back, but something was niggling in the back of his mind. Nothing had sounded right, and he was even more worried about Ianto. He called Tosh instead.

"Tosh, can you trace Ianto's phone?" he asked. He was met with a disapproving silence. "Tosh?"

"I thought he took the day off," she replied. "I don't think we should invade his privacy like that."

"I need to know where he is," Jack told her. "It's important."

"Is it an emergency?" she asked.

"Hopefully not," Jack admitted. "But there was some banging and shouting and he said he had to go and then he hung up on me. I want to make sure he's all right."

"Then call him back."

"Tosh," Jack practically whined. She sighed, and after a moment answered.

"He's at Flat Holm," she told him reluctantly.

"What?" Jack asked. "He said he had family matters today."

"Maybe something else came up," she hedged.

"Did he say anything to you?"

"No!"

"Would you tell me if he did?" Jack asked, knowing the answer.

"Probably not," she admitted. "But he didn't. And I wouldn't worry about it either," she added.

"I'm not worried," said Jack, even though he was. Had something happened at the island? Why hadn't they contacted him? Why hadn't Ianto told him he was going to Flat Holm?

"But you're going out there, aren't you," she stated. He nodded even though she couldn't see him, pacing along the boardwalk.

"Of course I am. I should make sure everything is okay."

"With Ianto or with the island?"

"Both," Jack replied.

"If there was a problem, they would have called you, right?" Tosh asked. When Jack answered affirmatively, she continued. "And if Ianto had a problem, well…maybe he needed some space."

"That's what Gwen said," Jack muttered.

"Then give him some space, Jack."

Jack was quiet, then shook his head as he headed toward the car park and the SUV. "If he needs space, then I'll give it to him. But I have to make sure everything is all right first."

Tosh sighed again. "It's your head. Good luck, Jack."

"Thanks, Tosh. Let me know if anything comes up."

He hurried to the SUV, drove out to the docks, and managed to get to Flat Holm within the hour, worrying the entire time as he envisioned grimmer and grimmer scenarios involving Ianto out on the island, upset and alone. He walked as quickly as he could across the rocky terrain and let himself into the bunker. Helen met him immediately, clearly not surprised to see him.

"Captain Harkness!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here? It's not your day either."

"Just checking in," Jack replied. "Everything okay around here?" He tried to look casual as he glanced around, hoping to find Ianto. When she nodded, obviously confused, he offered her a grin. "Is Ianto still here?"

"He stepped out a few minutes ago," she told him, then shook her head and laughed. "He was right, wasn't he—he said you'd be here in about an hour, and to tell you that he went for a walk out to the lighthouse."

Ianto had guessed correctly that Jack would come to the island immediately when he'd realized Ianto wasn't with his family. Jack thanked her and went outside to find Ianto; he'd look in on the residents after.

Ianto was standing on a rocky outcrop by the lighthouse, staring out over the bay. It was a rare sunny day, which helped offset the bitter chill rolling in off the water. Ianto did not move as Jack came to stand next to him, gazing at the horizon as well.

"Hi," he finally offered. Ianto turned to look at him, his face a blank mask.

"You followed me," he stated. "On my day off."

"You said you were visiting family," Jack replied. Ianto did not say anything, did not offer an explanation, so Jack continued. "Is everything all right?"

Ianto shrugged, his hands tucked into his coat pockets to stay warm. "As good as it ever gets with this job."

"Your family is okay, then?" When Ianto nodded this time, Jack asked his next question. "Did something happen here?"

"No, everything's fine here," Ianto replied. Though it felt like Ianto was avoiding his questions, Jack did not sense that the other man was holding back out of spite. He once again suspected Gwen—and Tosh—were right.

"You needed to get away," he offered. Ianto's shoulders slumped slightly and he nodded again.

"There are probably nicer places to get away," Jack told him. "The beach, the movies, even a lie-in at your flat."

"This is where I needed to be," Ianto said. "This is part of it."

"Part of what?" Jack asked, lowering his voice and trying to get Ianto to look at him. He touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Ianto, talk to me. Are you okay?"

"I told you I'm fine, Jack," Ianto replied.

"And yet you told me you were with family and came out here instead, so I don't think everything's fine. What did you need to get away from?"

Ianto tensed, and Jack almost feel the anger and frustration building within the other man, bracing himself for the moment it exploded. Ianto would probably try to keep holding it in, but Jack knew this man, after so many months. He knew the set of his jaw and the pained look in his eyes, and he wanted more than anything for Ianto to talk to him, to let him help.

"I'm guessing this is part of it, Flat Holm," Jack began. "Though I think coming here is more to get away from me. Am I right?"

Ianto raised an eyebrow, his tone bitter and dry. "Why would you think that, Jack? We've barely talked for three days, after all. Why would I need to get away from the stifling silence?"

"Touché," Jack murmured. "Look, I'm sorry about everything that happened—"

"Why?" Ianto asked, surprising him. "It's not your fault, not really."

Jack paused, confused. "I understand why you told Gwen. That's my fault—you told her because I wouldn't."

"And I understand why you didn't want to tell her," Ianto replied. "Only it was a mistake and I chose to correct it."

"And you were right," Jack told him, but Ianto shook his head.

"It's still my fault—my choice, my actions, my consequences."

"What consequences?" Jack asked, even more confused now.

"This, for one," Ianto replied, motioning between them. "Us. You, because I did something I knew you didn't want. And Gwen, knowing she can't do anything for these people."

Jack gazed at Ianto's profile—the tense shoulders, the locked jaw, the pinched eyes—and thought about his response. He had come to the island to make sure Ianto was all right, and clearly, he wasn't. While a part of Jack felt that twitch of anger over Ianto's acknowledgement that he had done something against Jack's wishes, the part that had talked to Gwen remembered that it wasn't always about him, and that he was going to take care of Ianto for once.

"What about you?" he asked softly.

"What about me?" Ianto's voice was still bitter.

"What are the consequences for you?"

Ianto looked down, scuffed at the dirt before turning toward Jack. "Everything. I have to live with Gwen's broken spirit and Nikki's lost hope, with Tosh trying to stop it and Owen trying to fix it. And us—not going out, not shagging, not even talking—"

"That doesn't mean it's over," Jack told him, his greatest fear coming true, that Ianto was leaving him. "What happened between us—"

"Is bound to happen again!" Ianto snapped. He was close to his breaking point, Jack knew, and he wondered if he should push Ianto to let it out. "Do you know how hard it is to be your general administrator and your…your bed partner?"

"Bed partner?" Jack wondered at the term; then again, it wasn't like they called themselves boyfriends, partners, or even a couple. They were more than casual fuck buddies, that much was certain, but Jack found the term bed partner still lacking the ability to describe what they were. Either way, Ianto glared at him for questioning it, and Jack shrugged in response. "Not the term I might have used—" Ianto scoffed—"but do you know how hard it is to be your boss and your bed partner?"

"When the employee you're sleeping with questions you and goes behind your back – probably pretty damn hard. Because I didn't want to do that to you, the man I'm sleeping with, but I did it for you, my boss, and for the team."

"Because Gwen would have never let it go," Jack finished. "You were right, she would have kept at it like a dog with a bone, and it probably would have caused a lot of tension with the team. I understand why you told her, and I'm sorry I took it personally."

"How could you not take it personally?" Ianto asked. "That's the problem with this. With us."

"Ianto, we don't often disagree on things like this," Jack pointed out, because it was true. Ever since Ianto had come to Torchwood Three, he had supported and believed in Jack—and when he didn't, he talked to him about it, pointing out the reasons. That Ianto had done something without consulting Jack was a rare disagreement, and one that the Welshman seemed to be taking far harder than Jack. "And we can get through it. One of my team members questioned my decision as their leader, and I can accept that, professionally, they were right."

"And personally?" Ianto asked, sounding tired.

"Personally…" Jack shrugged. "I've seen and done a lot over the years, Ianto. Going behind my back is not the worst thing that someone has done to me by far."

"Were you sleeping with those other people?" he asked bitterly.

"Sometimes," Jack replied. "But I know you didn't do it to hurt me personally. You made a hard call on the job and it was probably the right one, so now we have to move on and deal with it."

Ianto stared out across the water again. His eyes closed, and Jack noticed the other man's chest rising and falling as if he were holding back strong emotions. He moved closer in support, and was immensely gratified when Ianto leaned toward him in turn. Jack took a leap of faith, because he was sure there was more. Ianto had been separating the two parts of their relationship for over a year, and though the situation with Gwen and the island obviously caused him a great deal of conflict, Jack felt like there was something else that was making it worse.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as empathetically as he could. "There's something else about this that's bothering you, I know."

Ianto drew a shaky breath, confirming Jack's instinct. "I hate this place," he whispered. And then Jack knew what was at the heart of Ianto's conflict: the men and women of Flat Holm, and the terrible reasons they were there. It wasn't betraying Jack or telling Gwen as much as it was the island itself that was so upsetting.

Jack knew. He understood. He hated the place himself. It was a constant reminder of so many things—of failure, of cruelty, of the random nature of the universe to take and destroy innocent lives. Most of the time he was able to section it away and move on. He had assumed Ianto either did the same thing, or that Ianto saw the island differently. Now he knew Ianto hated it just as much as Jack did.

"I know," Jack said. "I do too."

"But you don't know," Ianto said. "You have no idea how much I hate that this place even exists, that I have to come here every month to check in, that I have to funnel money to provide food and water for people the government should be taking care of with everything they can. It's not right that they're here, that they're alone, that they're secret."

"No, it's not." Jack couldn't agree more, but he'd set aside his resentment long ago in favor of protecting these people, because the government would abuse them before it did anything to help them. "That's why we're here."

"But we can't make it right," Ianto said, stepping away and facing him, waving at the somewhere bunker behind them. "Those people in there—we can't ever make it right for them. We can barely make them comfortable!"

"We're doing what we can," Jack told him. It felt strange to be saying such things, the situation now reversed. How many times had Ianto talked Jack off the proverbial ledge? This time Jack would take care of him. "You can't blame yourself for what happened to them. We do what we can, knowing it's more than they've had in the past, better than whatever happened to them in the Rift."

And then it happened, the explosion. Ianto turned and kicked a scruff of rocks over the edge of the small cliff where they were standing, his voice rising as he clenched his fists at his side. "I know that, Jack! I've told you the same thing half a dozen times, so tell me something I don't know. Something I haven't tried to feed you."

Jack stayed calm, though part of him wanted to rant as well. "I'm not trying to feed you anything," he said. "You're right about it all. And I can't tell you something you don't know already. You know everything."

Ianto did not respond, so Jack stepped forward.

"The truth is, this place sucks. I hate it too. It's the universe fucking with us, Ianto—with the people here—and there's nothing we can do about it. The Rift will keep taking people and it will keep spitting them back even worse. Which is why I need you, to do whatever we can to help them." He bumped Ianto in the shoulder. "And I'll help you through it if you keep helping me do the same."

Ianto turned to look at him, and Jack chanced putting his arm around the other man's shoulder and pulling him close. Ianto remained tense. "How?" he asked, his voice sounding more defeated than angry. "How do we stay sane in an insane world?"

"We do whatever we have to do keep standing, keep moving," Jack replied. "Step by step, day by day."

The side of Ianto's lips quirked up. "Please don't break into song."

Jack laughed quietly, some of the tension dissipating. "I could, but I won't. It's hard for me, too. But you…you keep me sane, you know. When I wake up after dying…. when I come back from the island… when I have to make a tough call, an impossible sacrifice. I think it's the connections we make, the people we care about, that help us through the hard times and keep us sane. That keep us going."

Ianto blew out a long breath. "That actually makes sense," he said, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "It might almost work."

"Almost?" Jack pretended to be offended. "It works for me, thanks to you. Let me do the same for you."

Ianto turned all the way around so he was facing Jack. "You do, even if it doesn't look like it right now. Thank you." He rubbed his hands over his face and smiled with a shrug. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I told Gwen against your orders, that I haven't said anything the last few days, that I lied about coming out here—"

Jack took his hand and squeezed, stopping him. "Don't apologize. I'm sorry I put you in a hard position, that it took me so long to get over it, that I followed you on your day off." They laughed quietly. Jack tugged him forward, back toward the bunker. "Now, are you still going to spend your day off here?"

"Yes," Ianto replied as they walked back. "There were a few more things that I wanted to do, though I think I'll head home early. Did you need me back at the Hub for anything this afternoon?"

"You took the day, and it's been quiet so far," Jack told him. "Go home, do what people do on their days off."

"Laundry, shopping, and cleaning?"

"Put your feet up, watch a movie, read a book. Or go see your family," Jack suggested. Ianto shook his head.

"Not today," he replied. "Another day."

"Okay," said Jack, understanding that Ianto might not want to see his family after an emotional day at the island. "But don't let it—"

"Drift," Ianto finished. "I know. You say it all the time."

"And I mean it," Jack said. "A normal life is important. We can't protect people from the extraordinary if we forget the ordinary."

Ianto glanced sideways at him. "Wow, another pithy bit of advice. I should write this down."

"You should remember it," Jack laughed. "And follow it."

"I'll try," Ianto murmured. He was silent for a moment, but pulled Jack to a stop before they got back to the bunker. "Is that offer for dinner still good?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Jack replied, thrilled that Ianto felt up to it. "Whatever you want—we can order in, we can cook something, or—"

"Let's go out," Ianto interrupted. "Like normal people after a long day at work. See what the ordinary folk are up to."

"Any place in particular?" Jack asked.

"Surprise me," Ianto replied. "But someplace small and quiet. I don't want loud and crowded after a day here."

"Could take your mind off it," Jack suggested. "Busy pub, play some pool—"

"Maybe over the weekend," Ianto said. "Something quiet tonight."

Jack grinned and pulled him into a loose embrace. "And romantic?"

"I don't want to know what your idea of romantic looks like," Ianto replied with a roll of his eyes, tempered with a smile.

"Hm, I'll have to show you another time, then," Jack murmured. He leaned forward and kissed Ianto, short but intense, reveling in the feeling after so many days without. "Maybe over the weekend."

"Sounds like we've got a busy weekend coming," Ianto replied.

"I'm looking forward to it already." Jack stepped back and motioned toward the bunker. "Don't stay too long. Take some time, and I'll pick you up at six for dinner. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect," Ianto replied. He scuffed the ground before looking up and meeting Jack's eyes. "Thank you—for understanding. For coming out here. For dinner."

Jack stepped forward to kiss him once more, only instead of a quick kiss goodbye, Ianto wrapped one hand around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss into a much longer one that could have easily led to more if they hadn't been standing in the cold outside the bunker. They separated with a messy pop, slightly mussed and breathing heavily. Ianto straightened Jack's coat and patted his shoulders.

"You'll stay tonight?" he asked softly.

Jack nodded and kissed him once more, then left with one last wave. Inside, his heart was pounding fast, and not only from their brief but intense snog. He had spent the night at Ianto's flat—and Ianto had stayed at the Hub—countless times over the months since they'd started dating. The first time, it had just sort of happened, without any discussion: Jack had fallen asleep after a long shag and simply stayed until morning. Ianto had made a dry comment about it, but it hadn't been some sort of big moment or milestone. Nor had any of the nights Ianto had stayed at the Hub; usually late nights, there had even been times when Ianto had gone down to Jack's bunker first, too tired to go home, and Jack had found him fast asleep. Which had been nice, because Jack liked waking up next to Ianto in his own small bed.

He couldn't remember a time when Ianto had asked him to stay, though. Not like he just had, quiet and vulnerable. It was a small thing, but Jack felt like it meant something more. Like they'd had that big moment. After their falling out over Flat Holm and Jack's insistence on keeping it from the others, they hadn't talked for days. He'd missed Ianto and had left the Hub determined to clear the air and to take care of Ianto, like Ianto did for him. And to his surprise, Jack thought maybe he had done that.

Ianto had been hurting deeply over the situation with Jack, the conflict between their personal and professional lives, and the work they did at the island. Jack had done what Ianto did for him, offering him unconditional understanding and support. Like a partner—or boyfriend, not that the term was one they ever used. Ianto had responded, and Jack felt good that he had been able to do something to help. And that Ianto wanted him to stay the night. It felt like another step toward something more serious, and Jack's heart was thumping not from the usual feelings of fear and panic such things usually brought about, but from a sense of warmth and happiness. He wasn't scared, he was ready. Mostly.

It felt good, to take care of someone, to be there for them. It felt normal, like he was part of an ordinary couple, going through their regular ups and downs. Only they weren't normal, not at all, and their ups and downs involved aliens, rifts in time, and immortality. But every so often, they could play at normal. They'd go out for dinner, then back to Ianto's flat to spend the night wrapped up in one another, setting Torchwood and Flat Holm and everything else aside. And Jack looked forward to being able to do it again, day after day, for as long as they could.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote the first part, I knew Ianto was at Flat Holm, and that he was upset about many things. We get far more stories where Ianto talks Jack off the ledge, as opposed to Jack being there for Ianto. Which is sort of odd, considering Jack's been at all of this far longer than Ianto. And yet we've cast Ianto as the caretaker and Jack as the one needing care, so I wanted to reverse that here. I hope you enjoyed it, unbelievably schmoopy ending and all. Onto something new, hopefully away from Flat Holm! Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, I wanted to write a post-Adrift story with Jack and Gwen, since the vast majority of follow-ups feature Jack and Ianto or Ianto and Gwen. I'm also finishing another Flat Holm story as well. Hope you enjoyed this one, thank you for reading! PS. There is more in my head, but it may or may not come out. We'll see!


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